Sunday, December 28, 2014

I wish I could figure out why blogger freezes every time I try to upload a picture.  I have so many funny ones I want to share with you here, but for some reason, it never works. 


I've been at work for eight hours already today and I'm tired.  I am way too overcaffeinated, meaning I'm going crazy sitting here.  Instead, I'm watching Parks and Rec on HuluPlus.  Ayyye.  Troubles.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Today was a really long day, in retrospect.  I accomplished a few tasks that have weighed heavily on my mind; more than I even knew.  But now that they're done, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

You see, I was able to clean out a lot of my things from my room back home, at my dad's house.  For the past two years, it has held dozens of large boxes full of dishes, cups, flowers, candles, tablecloths and centerpieces.  My closet held six pairs of khakis and vests and a very large garment bag.

I never told you that I had been engaged, because when you first told me you were leaving, I thought that was the end of our dating.  Then, I realized there was something more to 'us' than that, but you were gone and I didn't know how/when to tell you, or if it even mattered.

I was with him for just over five years.  Our original wedding date was August of 2013, which was pushed back to August 2014, but then was obviously entirely canceled.  We broke up sometime in the summer of 2014, honestly, not long before I met you, but by that time, we'd drifted so far apart that it didn't feel any different.  I was incredibly tired of crying and being lied to and hurt, and didn't even cry about the so-called "break up".  He hurt me in so many ways I never knew possible, which has made it hard for you, because of my trust issues and doubts.

Anyway, then I moved to Fargo and started a new job, one that made me SO happy and my life felt so complete.  I felt refreshed and like my old, happy self again.  I really just wanted to meet friends because it was sometimes lonely, and I wanted someone to drink a beer with at the end of a long day.  Cue, Adam.

So, my day today consisted of organizing all of the wedding things and listing it all on Craigslist, eBay, and WeddingBee.  Emotionally, it wasn't the easiest, but I feel so free!   I can't wait to get it all out of here!

I hope one day you can read this and ask any questions you may have.
Christmas was yesterday and it's always so much fun to be home for the holidays. I got to see all of my cousins, aunts and uncles, except two, which is pretty dang good. We had around 25 people in my grandparent's tiny little house, and man, it got warm.

I'm so glad I was able to Skype you and message you during the day. Holidays make me lonesome for you, and I would've given anything for just one hug from you.

I feel like this is a lot like a rollercoaster for me. Sometimes you feel so close and other times, I realize how little we know about each other. It isn't easy missing you, especially given our short time together, but I really like you. I feel like it'll all be worth it in the end.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014


I feel defeated and deflated.  I guess I don't know how to communicate my needs to you anymore.  I need to be reassured, because I don't like this distance.  I don't like that you're way over there and I'm way over here, especially considering we started dating three weeks before you left.  This isn't easy, and don't get me wrong, I know it's absolutely no cake walk for you either.  But on the other hand, you know what's going on and what happens during a deployment, whereas I'm completely clueless.  I don't know what to do anymore, but I know that I'm tired of feeling alone and upset and like I don't matter to you.  I know you say you like to hear from me, but it certainly doesn't come across that way.

Monday, December 15, 2014

The Fargo Force game was so much fun this weekend--but I already told you that ;)




I literally feel like I'm brain dead today, after writing these two stupid papers and then attending two doctor's appointments with athletes who were acting very silly over the weekend.  I'm very ready for a ten day vacation from this mess.



Thursday, December 11, 2014

The great thing about today is that it signifies the end of my first semester in grad school.  I'm one paper shy of being 25% finished with my master's degree.  I was feeling really great about that this morning, but then I realized that a lot of the things we're doing aren't really worth anything in the athletic training world.  However, I honestly love learning.  I'd go back for several more bachelor's degrees, if I could! 


I am frustrated today because I had a professor chew my ass about a paper that's due next week that I haven't started.  I'm not a prodigy, but I'm pretty damn good at papers.  This one is only a five page paper and I have set aside roughly 20 hours in the next six days to complete it.  No problem.  She got really upset about it and was quite condescending; I'd heard enough and basically told her that the due date isn't up, so she had no right to be upset with me.  I also reminded her that I was accepted to the graduate school at NDSU, not fifth grade.  If I screw up, the only person I'm hurting is me.  She was quite terse and ended the conversation clearly upset, which made me upset because I don't think I'm in the wrong.  Last time I checked, I could stay up all night before an assignment was due and finish it to turn in and still get an 'A'.  In fact, the previous assignment I'd done for her two weeks ago, I finished twenty minutes before I arrived to class and she was none the wiser. 


Anyway, I left class and was so upset that I thought I was going to have a meltdown.  Who handles me at my worst?  Dad, of course.  He was able to defuse the ticking-Heather-bomb thankfully, and change the subject.  He told me he'd received a really nice Christmas present, but that he couldn't say what it was yet.  It is of the personal-yet-business style present, so apparently something with work.  I have no idea.  He also told me that, after 55(maybe 60?) years in the insurance industry, my grandpa is selling his business at the end of the year.  Grandpa is going to hate, hate, HATE true retirement.  He literally will not know what to do with himself and grandma is going to go crazy with him home all the time.  It's hilarious.  I can't wait to go home for Christmas!  (That's not sarcasm.)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The lingerie I ordered was supposed to take 3-5 days to arrive.  I had been patiently waiting for them for 9 days, when they finally (FINALLY!) arrived yesterday.  I was on my way to work, but I had to stop and open the package first--and man, I was happy!  They're so sexy; I just can't wait for you to see them! 


Then this morning, I woke up to find an Amazon package on the doorstep and got really excited, because I thought I'd ordered something.  Then I realized, wait... all my packages have arrived.  So, I checked the label, thinking Eric or Tanner had ordered it.  Nope.  I was literally in tears when I opened it and saw those Christmas gifts.  You little stinker, you :)

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Four hours of sleep last night
Awake for 16 hours today
Six cups of coffee
Two papers done
One research proposal done
One 75 slide presentation done
The beginnings of my thesis chapter 2 in the works
Finding out it's mathematically impossible to get less than a 4.0 this semester
Receiving a new shipment of the fanciest under garments I've ever seen ;)


All makes for a very happy Heather!

Monday, December 8, 2014

There are 17 days left until Christmas, which is highly unbelievable.  I love driving home from work, especially since I live in a very quaint, residential neighborhood, because EVERYONE has lights on their house!  It's so beautiful and peaceful after a long day in the athletic training room. 


I have to start my holiday baking again.  My roommates are getting anxious because they saw all the goodies I sent to you, but they only got a small sample before I shipped them all off!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Busting out some mad homework skills today!  I have two papers due Tuesday, an hour and 15 minute presentation to do on Wednesday night, some discussion board readings by Thursday, my final exam and applied project for Sunday, and my literature review for my thesis by next Thursday.  I guess I'm up for the challenge, brought to you by procrastination. 

Thursday, December 4, 2014


I've been at 'our' Caribou for the past three hours working on a presentation with a classmate of mine and there's been three different couples sitting in 'our' seats.  It looks like they've all been on some of their first dates.  One couple looked like it was also their last date.... haha, yikes.  It makes me nostalgic for our first date here and how excited I was about you after that date.  "How about them Knicks?"  You make me smile.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

What a boring 'hump' day.  I had an in-service work meeting today, which again was supposed to be an hour long, but ended up being two hours.  Ugh. 


The only other things I had to do today were finish my final paper for the semester (yay!!) and go to class this evening.  Check and check! 


So, I just found more per diem work I can do to help out my boss.  Yay for my bank account... haha.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

I love getting up at 7am, when I barely slept four hours that night, drinking half a pot of coffee to wake up and be alert for class, arriving at class at 7:59am, then being dismissed from said class at 8:09am.  #sarcasm #angryhastagsfordays


EDITED:  Then I got to work and was told, in no uncertain terms, that I WOULD be covering the men's JV basketball game tonight because their athletic trainer had yet to return from Thanksgiving.  Today was a great day :)

Monday, December 1, 2014

I hate Black Friday. I especially hate that "Black Friday" now begins on Thanksgiving day, which is so wrong. I hate feeling cramped in stores and all the materialism that goes along with the bullshit that is Black Friday. However, I do particularly love Cyber Monday. Especially this Cyber Monday, because this girl got $7 tickets in the red zone for the rest of the home Fargo Force games!

Sunday, November 30, 2014

I think I'm finally family-ed out for the weekend.  I spent a fourth and final evening with family tonight, though it was just my cousins down the block.  I got to hang out for the evening, play hide and seek for endless hours, help them set up their Christmas tree, and cuddle a very tired and snuggly baby.  I love my time with them, because they are growing up SO fast.


Friday night I was fortunate enough to be with my aunt, four cousins, three cousin-in-laws, and four babies in one tiny little house, so we had plenty of body heat, laughter, and food to keep us going.  Last night, we played games for hours upon hours and I woke up with sore abs this morning from laughing so hard. 


This week will be rather uneventful, and in fact, relaxing.  The women's team has an away game Wednesday and are off on Thursday, meaning I have two days off this week!  They do practice through the weekend and have three games next week, but after that, it's basically Christmas break--which is 10 days off (in a row) for me.  Unbelievable!  I feel like I just moved to Fargo last week for football camp, which means I met you about an hour ago.


I realized today that now we've been apart much longer than we were together, which is so strange to think about.  I hope it just makes for a great story in the future :)

Friday, November 28, 2014

On Tuesday, I got a text message at about 11pm from the women's basketball coach that practice had been canceled for 5am Wednesday morning.  Thankfully, I'd already found out from others that practice wouldn't be happening, but this also led to trouble: two other athletic trainers and I went out for dinner and drinks, which got slightly out of hand.  I'm usually pretty good when I go out, but for some reason I just couldn't handle my alcohol.  (Maybe the fact that I've barely had a drink since football started??)  Anyway, I'm glad these two were friends of mine, because they brought me home, gave me some ibuprofen and water, and called it a night.

Thanksgiving was great!  I love going home to see my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and most of all, my brother and dad.  Just getting to hang out for a few hours uninterrupted with my dad is so awesome!  I think he can get kinda lonely at home all by himself sometimes, but I just love hanging out with him.

Today, I came back to Fargo to drop off my brother's dog with him and to spend more time with my cousins.  My 'little' cousin Jonathan (he's two years younger than me, but 6'8" tall) was home, and this is the first time I've seen him since before he deployed to Afghanistan.  All of my cousin's babies were there too, aged 5, 4, 3, and 1, so I had plenty of kid time!  I am the 'magic' worker of my cousins when it comes to kids: usually they pawn their children off on me because I have so much fun with them.  When I got to my cousin's house, Anistain, the 5 year old girl, was asleep in a bedroom.  When my aunt went to check on her, she told her that I had just shown up, and sure enough, Anistain came flying out of the bedroom and into my arms!  Tomorrow, I am heading back after work to see my cousins one last time before Jonathan departs to Fort Riley again.  (Yay for hockey Saturdays!)

I miss you, and love you.  Seeing your face for Thanksgiving was a great gift :)

Monday, November 24, 2014

It was quite a weekend!  I went to the Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part 1 on Friday night and it was SUCH a good movie!!  I usually don't like movie theatres that much, especially because I don't think many movies are worth $10 for one viewing, but it was SO worth it.  Before I knew it, two and a half hours were up and the final credits were rolling.  Of course that meant I was upset because now I have to wait another year for the final installment! GRRRRRR!!! 


After the movie, I couldn't fall asleep because I was thinking about this awesome movie, and then I was scared that I wouldn't wake up in time for the wrestling open, so I got about two hours of sleep before I was up and drinking my gallon of coffee for the day, haha.  The crappy thing about wrestling is that you get there at the butt crack of dawn for weigh-ins and skin checks, then you sit around for two or three hours before the open actually starts.  Once it finally started, it wasn't so bad, especially since there were a ton of Division I wrestlers there, meaning good competition.  It actually went really fast, and I was a little sad to leave before it was over. 


The wedding was SO fun that night too!  Dawn, the bride, and I were inseparable for many, many years after high school, and though we aren't as close as we once were, it was so easy to pick up right where we left off.  She was a gorgeous bride and the ceremony was probably one of the most beautiful I've ever been to.  After dinner, Liz, Joel and I wanted to get drinks, but none of us brought cash so we asked where the closest ATM was... The server told us it was about 5 miles down the road.  Ugh.  So we hopped in my car and drove down there quick.  When we got back, we all ordered a beer, and were handed cups and thanked.  The beer was complimentary....hahah.  What a bunch of fools we are :) 


They had a great photo booth at the wedding, so Dawn, Aaron (the groom), Liz, Joel, and I went in and spent probably 15 minutes in there--until the photographer whipped open the curtain and loudly exclaimed, "WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!  There's a huge line...." (and then upon spotting the bride and groom) ".... oh, sorry!  Never mind!" and shut the curtain again.  Of course we were laughing so hard, then felt bad, so we got out, but we had about 8 hilarious photo strips by that time.  They also had a pretty awesome s'mores bar and cupcakes that tasted much like the ones we had in Des Moines. 


On Sunday, it was so nice to hang out with my dad for a while and just chat.  I don't often get him to myself without something going on.  He had been busy putting his new plow on the 4wheeler for the winter that morning, so of course he had to show me 'how cool' it was... haha.  Anyway, I'll stop rambling for now.  <3

Friday, November 21, 2014

So today was day 1 of my big holiday baking spree, and it went.... Okay. Typically, if I cook, I can screw up, throw it away, and move on with my day. If I cook something and it turns out amazingly, I am usually speechless and excited. But if I bake, I expect perfection, so when I fail, I am highly offended. And I failed big time today.

I have been looking for ways to send you my very best (read: perishable) desserts. Many of them I have created on my own or tailored them to be healthier but more delicious.  But, how the hell do I make them last three weeks in a shipping box without freezing them?! The good people of Pinterest, namely military wives and girlfriends, have answered that: canning.

I have never canned a thing in my life. My grandma is an expert, but it is one of the few arts she denied to teach me. The instructions online are simple, easy, quick, and seemingly foolproof. HA!

Let's begin, shall we?

First off, I'm not an idiot. I will not be sending anything that isn't fully cooked or anything that contains dairy. I decide to stick with safer foods like banana bread, cake, and pie. Now pie is a questionable one, but as long as the jar seals, theoretically, it works.

My first issue is that I don't want to send a full batch of twelve mason jars of banana bread, because seriously? Who eats twelve jars of banana bread? I think I'm a genius because I make the remainder into cupcakes for my own personal consumption/holiday gifts.

The recipe states that I should place the mason jars directly on the grates. I bought pint jars that, if you place them just so, they stay nicely on the grate.  With bare fingers. In a cold oven. In my mind, I'm screaming, "It's a trap, Heather, don't do this!" On the outside, I'm calm, cool, and collected, throwing caution to the wind (or the oven vent fan). I carefully put away the cookie sheet that I had put them on, since I no longer need it.

The second thing I notice is that the recipe is using larger main jars and vakig the bread for 45 minutes. Mine are much smaller, so let's go for 25. At 25 minutes, I realize that these babies are about to blow. I filled them WAY TOO FULL. Abort mission, grab the cookie sheet and replace under mason jars to protect roommate's oven! While having a minor panic attack, I fling the oven door open too quickly, so it snaps at the bottom.... And three mason jars fall to their doom. There are now three mason jars precariously teetering on the grate, which three are down and spilling their contents all over the oven door, side, and coil, meaning the oven is quickly smelling of smoke and death.

Have you ever noticed how potholders don't really work? Like, at all? So imagine me losing my cool while trying to right three mason jars full of bubbly hot liquid banana without burning my fingers off. I'm quite glad there was no one home to listen to me moan, scream, and nearly break down in tears from this failed project and damn mess I'm making.

By the time I have righted the overturned vessels, my potholders are covered, COVERED, in hot, sticky banana bread mix. As I close the oven door to allow them to finish baking, I turn on the stove to start warming the lids for canning. I wash my hands and throw the potholders in the wash. When I return to the kitchen, I see the full results of my disaster. There is banana bread mix on the oven door, the handle of the oven, underneath the handle of the oven, the faucet, the handles of the sink, the counter tops, and even on the vent fan button.

Moral of the story: always use protection. That, and don't can anything, ever again.
You're welcome for the banana bread.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

I'm so tired at this morning practice that I forgot to give the girls their water jug.  Yikes.  I haven't been this out of it in a while.  Thankfully, the Keurig turned on shortly after that and gave me the delicious life blood that I need to maintain this crazy work schedule. 


While I'm at work (for the next 30-45 minutes), I have been working on my Institutional Review Board Application... meaning I am officially applying to do my research project at NDSU.  It is the longest, most boring application I have ever filled out and it is giving me a headache.  Sometimes I wonder if getting a master's degree is all it's really cracked up to be.  Then I remember that my grandma calls me her 'lifelong student', and she's right.  I'd honestly probably stay in school forever, if I could!  My program director as SCSU told me that I'd be getting a master's degree during my first week in the program, which was way back in 2010.  He was right.  At my graduation ceremony, he told me that I'll get my PhD.  I laughed then, but now it seems like a real possibility.  Either way, I have a feeling that I'll never stop enrolling in even a limited amount of classes. 


I used to have a super good memory for dates and times, but since I started at Concordia and have been managing around 200 athletes, my memory is shot.  So, I started becoming a religious user of Google calendar.  It's nice because I can just upload the calendars that the coaches have given me without a lot of extra work and then it downloads to my phone right away.  So, during a particularly long practice the other day, I put in the school calendars too, and realized that I will actually have 10-12 days off during NDSU's spring break in March, because Concordia's spring break is two weeks earlier than theirs.  I also saw that my softball team will be traveling during that time, meaning they won't be on campus, so I don't have to be on campus.  I'm not sure this could've worked out any better.  Hopefully you can be issued a pass for a few days and I can visit for a bit during that time.  That's only four months from now and time will fly between now and then! 


Anyway, I really better stop procrastinating and get back to this IRB application, even if it kills me.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

This has been quite the week. I think I'm over the hump of missing you so acutely. I do, however, miss the daily 'good morning' texts and pictures you used to send me. I wouldn't mind if they made a reappearance!

I have officially covered my first games as an independent certified athletic trainer. It's crazy to think that I've covered hundreds of events in the past four years, but now I'm completely, totally, legally IN CHARGE. I like that when I say ' my athletes', they really are MY athletes. Nobody else can claim them. And, for the most part, they like me and trust me! I have such a huge love for this career, even when I'm beat down, exhausted from a near 90 day work stretch, frustrated as all hell because my athlete isn't improving. I still want to get up and get to work the next day.

I'm reminded how silly and small we are by things like the national anthem before our games. I'm a softy by nature... I cried at every national anthem for a month when my cousin deployed to Afghanistan. I crowd at his wedding, when they did the Army arch of swords. I cry from laughing too hard at my cousin's little boys. And I definitely teared up tonight during the anthem, when I thought about how lucky I am to be in the best job in the world, doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, with a great boyfriend who's sweet and caring and protecting our nation thousands of miles from home.


Monday, November 17, 2014

I went in this morning to get the FluMist, which is the nasal spray version of the flu shot.  I was super excited that I wouldn't have to get any more needle sticks, when lo and behold, I was barred from getting it because I had two other immunizations done within 28 days.  Ayyyyyyyye.  I was not a happy camper.  So, I was given the standard flu shot. YUK! 


I have to read three chapters of my sport psychology book, because I have put it off for two weeks and I have an exam due by 5pm today, meaning I better get it done by 2pm when I leave for work.  I did find out that I have no classes next week, AT ALL!  I have all of Thanksgiving week off from NDSU :)  We have practice early on Wednesday morning and late on Saturday night, so I might be able to go home to visit family for a few days, which is quite exciting.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Hi boy.
'Begin Again' is the movie of the afternoon. It's been a solid 5 months since I've had a great movie afternoon, not counting our movie nights, of which I'm not sure we actually finished a movie ;)
This is a great movie; some of my favorites actors and actresses are in it. Keira Knightly, Mark Ruffalo, Adam Levine (yes, of Maroon 5 fame).

The winter storm warning never amounted to much.. Just a few flurries and a bit of wind. As cold as it is, I'd just love to have a gorgeous snowfall, straight out of the movies. Only 6ish weeks until Christmas, and I'm excited. Next week, I'll be doing all my Christmas baking and, per tradition, the Christmas trees will go up on Black Friday. I can't wait!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

I've realized that my posts have been a lot of self-pity and that has to stop.  I know that you're having a worse time than I am, because you're the one whose life has been uprooted.  I know that you'd rather be here, not just because of me, but because of your own freedoms, your job, Pants, your house, your friends and family.  So, enough is enough.  I'm not saying there won't be days that I feel bad for myself or that I won't have a difficult time with this, but I'm not going to let it hurt US.  I know that this is going to be SO worth it in the end to have you back in my arms and maybe that's why we're put in this situation.  Maybe this was part of the 'plan', because I do believe that we are tested for reasons we may not know at the time.  I think many things happen for a reason, and I think we were meant to meet, have this strong connection, and then be separated.  And now, I'm okay with it.  We're going to be okay, and I'm going to stop making it so hard for you.


Today, I finished an eight page paper that was due.... that I started this morning!  I really could be a professional procrastinator!  The paper was an annotated bibliography, which is basically each paper broken down into bullet points which will be used for my thesis.  I've decided on a thesis topic too, which is extraordinary!!  I will be doing research on an attachment for an electrical stimulation unit that does instrument assisted massage, called the ThermoStim.  I used it during fall camp on some football players' hamstring strains and had amazing results with it, so I decided to do more with it.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted finally, after deciding this. 


Work was pretty common place, but I did get pulled aside by the men's basketball coach who thanked me for doing such a great job with the team and told me that the guys just 'love me'.  That was nice to hear!  Often times, coaches don't realize how much we're doing for their team, so it's nice when they take the time to acknowledge what's happening. 


My classmates all went out to some bar downtown, but I just couldn't muster the strength to hit up DT just yet.  I was starving however, so I met a friend at Bdubs for wings and a Stella :)  When I got home, Patrick was more than ready for some cuddle time, so we're all bundled up in my bed with some blankets and lots of extra pillows! 


Sweet dreams :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

I haven't been sleeping well.  I seem to be waking up every so often and having troubles falling asleep.  This isn't good, because I'm a girl who LOVES her sleep.  I know this will pass, and I know it's just because I'm adjusting to you being gone now.  But I'm ready for this part to be over.  What do they call this stage?  That whole deployment packet made it more understandable about what I (and you) will being going through emotionally, but that doesn't mean it's any easier!  If someone had told me about this before you left, I'd have thought they were full of crap.  (We're currently in the 'goodbye' phase yet, since 'stabilization' hasn't occurred yet, since you're stuck on the east coast doing stupid shit before you leave.)  It's hard to believe that I've barely known you a month and yet I feel like such a huge part of me is gone with you.  Instead, I keep myself busy thinking about what we can do when you get home, how good it's going to feel to pick you up at the airport in Fargo, and checking Pinterest for awesome care package and homecoming ideas! 


I know I've said it a lot, but I am incredibly proud of you.  You're an amazing, kind, humorous person and I am so lucky to have you.  I love your wit and your charm.  I love looking into your eyes and getting your kisses on my forehead, cheeks, and lips.  I often think about how hard you hugged me before I left Des Moines and it makes me smile from ear to ear. 
I love Thanksgiving, because it gives me the warm and fuzzies getting to be at my grandparents' farm with all my aunts, uncles, cousins, dad, and brother.  My family typically doesn't get together during the summer months, because everyone is SO busy, so gathering for Thanksgiving is like a huge respite weekend for us.  I feel like I breathe easier during the time I'm with them and I return to my life refreshed and happy and peaceful.  I'm so excited and, at the same time, astonished that it is already that time of year.  It feels like I just moved to Fargo last week, and somehow it's already been three months! 


That said, with the wonderful flurries of snow we've been having over the last day and a half, I CAN'T STOP SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROLS!  It's the worst when I'm cooking, baking, or in the kitchen cleaning, because singing Christmas carols in the kitchen has been a thing since I was a little girl.  My grandma and I used to always sing Christmas carols during baking seasons, so it's never going to go away now! 


I'm excited to get to spend a snow day with you next year, all cuddled up on the couch with Pants' favorite blanket, watching movies, and drinking spiked hot chocolate ;)

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

I love that I just get to see your face on Skype and I can't wipe the smile off my face!  You make me laugh so much and I just love the sound of your voice.  You make my day brighter, my week faster, and my heart race :) 


"I'll meet you at the airport."

Monday, November 10, 2014

This is going to be so much harder than I thought.  I hate texting because words can come off so harsh and cold and I read far too much into it.  I know that you have so much going on, and that this is so much more difficult for you, but I can't help but feel lost.  I don't know anything about what's happening and that's a really hard thing for me.  I have been trying to stay positive, but it's only been two days since I last saw you and I'm already dreading the time ahead.  I realize that this is only going to become more and more normal between us, because you're going to be ten hours ahead of me soon with the time change, and you might have even more difficulties with internet or time to talk/Skype/etc.  I know that I ask too many questions and I know I can be annoying, but I just want to be able to see you or talk to you as much as I can before it becomes normal to not hear from you.


I'm afraid you're going to forget about me, or that you're going to have so much fun that you don't want to talk to me.  Maybe you'll question what you thought was so special about me in the first place, and you'll come home to Fargo and never see me again. 


I know that I really, really love you.  Not in a lustful, can't-live-without-you way.  I feel peaceful when I'm with you, and even when I'm not around you, but I'm thinking about you.  There is no urgency or chaos, just a quiet undercurrent of caring and love towards you.  You are a truly wonderful person and I am so thankful for the short time we had together in Fargo and Des Moines.  I want nothing more than for you to come home, sweep me off my feet, and never stop kissing me. 


This is going to be so much harder than I thought, but I'm hoping it is SO worth it in the end.  As long as you come home to me, it will be.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

I know I just posted, but my mind isn't quiet tonight. 
I'm worried about you; you seem different today.  I know that you're very busy and it's a travel day and you need to be on your game.  I'm trying not to read into it.


I have been thinking about what you said while we were at the coffee shop Friday night.  "Love is when doing something for someone else can be detrimental to yourself."  I like to think that I had a choice in this; that when you told me you were leaving, I could've told you it was nice to meet you and walk away.  By that time, I already knew that you were something special and that I was more than happy to take this journey with you.  This is going to be hard for me, which is why I said I'd never date anyone in the military or police force.  You are SO worth it: the sleepless nights, the worry, the days without hearing from you, the hundreds of miles to visit you.
Since I posted last on Tuesday, I drove down to Des Moines and spent two amazing, fun-filled days with you, drove back, worked, and barely made it home to my dog before collapsing into a heap of exhaustion.


When I woke up Wednesday morning, I could barely contain my excitement.  I had to constantly remind myself that I had a meeting and work to get through and homework and packing to finish.  The meeting ran 45 minutes long (as I already told you), and I couldn't help but start to get nervous, because I only had a two hour window to shower, get ready, and pack the car.  When I got to work, I couldn't help but have a goofy grin on my face, because I knew I was SO close to leaving to come see you.  At 6:00pm, my work bag was packed, my computer was shut off, and all my things were ready to go.  When the clock hit 6:30pm, I closed my office and walked as fast as I could out of the building, with a steely gaze on my face.  Even if an athlete had seen me, there's no way they'd have stopped me.  I was determined!


Thankfully, the drive went faster than I thought it would--but the last 100 miles to Des Moines were excruciating!  The signs listed the mileage to DM every few miles and all I could think was how badly I wanted to just be there with you already... 


The funny thing is... I got really nervous when I first got out of the car to see you, and then I saw you walking towards me and I had crazy butterflies in my stomach and I was so excited that I couldn't help but start to laugh!  I've never felt the things I did when you hugged me and held me; it was so amazing for a greeting :)


I don't know that I've ever had so much fun on a trip, but I do know that it went far too fast for my liking.  I could've stayed in that hotel room with you for another week and still feel like it wasn't enough time.  So, thank YOU for making it such a great time!


On Friday, after your mom and grandparents left, I had to remind myself to stay in the moment, because I just kept thinking that I only had so many hours left with you... which would make me want to cry.  I had to fight back tears at the hockey game and again back at the hotel.  I wanted it to be a fun, light-hearted night, and not cry for you again, which I failed at.  Your patience and your hugs made it so much more bearable, and when we finally said goodbye, seeing you standing at the door of the hotel was so comforting and so sad at the same time.  I cried so hard driving out of Des Moines, but at the same time, I felt so happy knowing what a difference you've made in my life.  So instead of thinking that I've been apart from you for so many days, I'm just looking forward to the next time I get to see you.  Every day that goes by without you is just one day closer to being with you again! 


You said, "Love will find a way."  I said, "I do love you!"  And I mean it.  I love you with my whole heart and I honestly can't imagine another day without you in my life.  I love you, Adam.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Monday, November 3, 2014

I just got an email from the women's basketball coach that practice has been changed from 5:30am to 4:30 pm tomorrow.  WOOHOO!!  I was almost looking forward to having my day done by 8am, and then sleeping the rest of the day, but at least now I can sleep in!


I have to leave home today by 1pm to pick up the Concordia van and travel to Sauk Centre with the football team.  I'm homing the game goes smoothly and we all come back in one piece!  I've had enough road trips for this year, especially now that we will not be in the playoffs. 


I'm really glad that I got to talk to you last night, because I was really bummed about the playoffs, the concussion, and the silly game administrators.  You definitely put a smile on my face when I didn't think it was possible.  I'm so sorry I kept you up so late, especially since you had your PT test bright and early!  I'll have to start setting a timer and making sure we get off the phone at a reasonable time :)


My car is finally in the shop.  I tried calling Corwin's three times and left messages with their service center; none of which were returned.  The receptionist is quite pleasant and asked me to leave another message, but I decided it was time to call someone else.  I Googled a bit and found a different Chrysler mechanic and they got me in within minutes of my call.  My car may even be done today!  I was so worried I'd have to drive a rental car down to Des Moines!  I'm more than excited to see you.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Today was such a lovely day, until I realized I had completely run out of options for Patrick for the weekend. Then I realized I needed to drive all the way to Elbow Lake and back so my dad could watch him. Thankfully, traffic was at a minimum and it was smooth sailing. Then I got back to Fargo and quickly got ready for the trip and headed to the stadium, in order to drive the same stretch of road I had just driven....

We watched a couple of crazy Will Ferrell movies on the way down and actually got to the hotel quicker than we normally do! The room I was given was crazy nice, wasn't it?! It's close to the nicest hotel I've ever been in! But, as soon as I saw this awesome room and comfy bed, I thought how awesome it would be to have you right here with me! I'm excited for our vacations so we can have sweet suites like this ;)

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Remember the saying I was trying to come up with?

"The days are long, but the years are short."

I have no doubt that, at the end of this 9 or 10 or 13 month long deployment, I will be standing at the airport, waiting for the first glimpse of my soldier. I will be crying and laughing and will hug you so tightly and kiss you so much.

But I'm really scared for the days ahead that seem never ending. The weeks that stretch on and on. I'm scared for the days that I think, "I only met you three weeks before deployment; are we crazy for trying this?" I don't much believe in astrology, but the one thing I desperately believe about my Aquarian self is the need for positivity. When I become overwhelmed, I tend to try every trick to stay positive, and if I can't, I withdraw completely until I can gain balance again. I'm afraid of withdrawing from you, because I can't. I already can't imagine a day without you.

But, alas. I keep my eyes on that distant day when you're flying into Fargo again. I can already feel the butterflies and happiness that that day will give me. My, the way you've changed my world with only a smirk and chivalry.
Know how I know?  I sleep like a baby in your arms, and I toss and turn now that you're gone.  My body pillow has become your replacement.  I woke up smiling this morning, thinking you were in my bed, but that's okay, because I had an awesome sunset to wake up to :) 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

I want to lay on the couch with you and listen to Ray LaMontagne sing "Hold You In My Arms" on repeat on a rainy Sunday.
At the peak of my family's pet ownership, we had four dogs, three cats, two birds, four fish, a crayfish, and a pocket gopher. I volunteered at the local humane society most of my teenage and adult life, and my dad was such a sucker for a heart wrenching story. My grandparents also had a farm, and I chased and tamed many a wild kitten in order to smuggle him or her home.

The last one I caught was Winston, a long haired, creamy white, Siamese looking kitty with ice blue eyes. He was sick when I caught him, but I figured he just needed shots and antibiotics. When my dad finally caved and let me keep him, we took him to the vet, who diagnosed him with a rare respiratory disease in which fluid fills his lungs, giving him 40% oxygen capacity. She told us that he wouldn't survive his first birthday. He was laid to rest last summer on a sunny hill overlooking the river just after his 14th birthday. That day was only the second time I've ever seen my dad cry.

He was never a normal cat; he played like a kitten until he died and he sniffled so loudly you could hear him from three rooms away. He was a lover and would cuddle on my lap for hours a day. When the puppies were born (Patrick's litter), he would lay in their nest and clean them all while Delilah (Patrick's mom) took a break. Winston was the only non-human allowed near her babies.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Waking up is a really difficult time for me.  I usually set an alarm far too early so I can begin to motivate myself to actually move long before the actual movement needs to begin.  I don't like to function in the morning before having my coffee.


But with your arms wrapped around me, waking up wasn't so bad ;)

Sunday, October 26, 2014

When in doubt, backspace it out.  I have corny jokes too, but yours are better, even if I roll my eyes at them.  I can't wait to hear more and see your adorable smirk.