I wish I could figure out why blogger freezes every time I try to upload a picture.  I have so many funny ones I want to share with you here, but for some reason, it never works. 


I've been at work for eight hours already today and I'm tired.  I am way too overcaffeinated, meaning I'm going crazy sitting here.  Instead, I'm watching Parks and Rec on HuluPlus.  Ayyye.  Troubles.

Today was a really long day, in retrospect.  I accomplished a few tasks that have weighed heavily on my mind; more than I even knew.  But now that they're done, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

You see, I was able to clean out a lot of my things from my room back home, at my dad's house.  For the past two years, it has held dozens of large boxes full of dishes, cups, flowers, candles, tablecloths and centerpieces.  My closet held six pairs of khakis and vests and a very large garment bag.

I never told you that I had been engaged, because when you first told me you were leaving, I thought that was the end of our dating.  Then, I realized there was something more to 'us' than that, but you were gone and I didn't know how/when to tell you, or if it even mattered.

I was with him for just over five years.  Our original wedding date was August of 2013, which was pushed back to August 2014, but then was obviously entirely canceled.  We broke up sometime in the summer of 2014, honestly, not long before I met you, but by that time, we'd drifted so far apart that it didn't feel any different.  I was incredibly tired of crying and being lied to and hurt, and didn't even cry about the so-called "break up".  He hurt me in so many ways I never knew possible, which has made it hard for you, because of my trust issues and doubts.

Anyway, then I moved to Fargo and started a new job, one that made me SO happy and my life felt so complete.  I felt refreshed and like my old, happy self again.  I really just wanted to meet friends because it was sometimes lonely, and I wanted someone to drink a beer with at the end of a long day.  Cue, Adam.

So, my day today consisted of organizing all of the wedding things and listing it all on Craigslist, eBay, and WeddingBee.  Emotionally, it wasn't the easiest, but I feel so free!   I can't wait to get it all out of here!

I hope one day you can read this and ask any questions you may have.

Christmas was yesterday and it's always so much fun to be home for the holidays. I got to see all of my cousins, aunts and uncles, except two, which is pretty dang good. We had around 25 people in my grandparent's tiny little house, and man, it got warm.

I'm so glad I was able to Skype you and message you during the day. Holidays make me lonesome for you, and I would've given anything for just one hug from you.

I feel like this is a lot like a rollercoaster for me. Sometimes you feel so close and other times, I realize how little we know about each other. It isn't easy missing you, especially given our short time together, but I really like you. I feel like it'll all be worth it in the end.

I feel defeated and deflated.  I guess I don't know how to communicate my needs to you anymore.  I need to be reassured, because I don't like this distance.  I don't like that you're way over there and I'm way over here, especially considering we started dating three weeks before you left.  This isn't easy, and don't get me wrong, I know it's absolutely no cake walk for you either.  But on the other hand, you know what's going on and what happens during a deployment, whereas I'm completely clueless.  I don't know what to do anymore, but I know that I'm tired of feeling alone and upset and like I don't matter to you.  I know you say you like to hear from me, but it certainly doesn't come across that way.

The Fargo Force game was so much fun this weekend--but I already told you that ;)




I literally feel like I'm brain dead today, after writing these two stupid papers and then attending two doctor's appointments with athletes who were acting very silly over the weekend.  I'm very ready for a ten day vacation from this mess.

The great thing about today is that it signifies the end of my first semester in grad school.  I'm one paper shy of being 25% finished with my master's degree.  I was feeling really great about that this morning, but then I realized that a lot of the things we're doing aren't really worth anything in the athletic training world.  However, I honestly love learning.  I'd go back for several more bachelor's degrees, if I could! 


I am frustrated today because I had a professor chew my ass about a paper that's due next week that I haven't started.  I'm not a prodigy, but I'm pretty damn good at papers.  This one is only a five page paper and I have set aside roughly 20 hours in the next six days to complete it.  No problem.  She got really upset about it and was quite condescending; I'd heard enough and basically told her that the due date isn't up, so she had no right to be upset with me.  I also reminded her that I was accepted to the graduate school at NDSU, not fifth grade.  If I screw up, the only person I'm hurting is me.  She was quite terse and ended the conversation clearly upset, which made me upset because I don't think I'm in the wrong.  Last time I checked, I could stay up all night before an assignment was due and finish it to turn in and still get an 'A'.  In fact, the previous assignment I'd done for her two weeks ago, I finished twenty minutes before I arrived to class and she was none the wiser. 


Anyway, I left class and was so upset that I thought I was going to have a meltdown.  Who handles me at my worst?  Dad, of course.  He was able to defuse the ticking-Heather-bomb thankfully, and change the subject.  He told me he'd received a really nice Christmas present, but that he couldn't say what it was yet.  It is of the personal-yet-business style present, so apparently something with work.  I have no idea.  He also told me that, after 55(maybe 60?) years in the insurance industry, my grandpa is selling his business at the end of the year.  Grandpa is going to hate, hate, HATE true retirement.  He literally will not know what to do with himself and grandma is going to go crazy with him home all the time.  It's hilarious.  I can't wait to go home for Christmas!  (That's not sarcasm.)

The lingerie I ordered was supposed to take 3-5 days to arrive.  I had been patiently waiting for them for 9 days, when they finally (FINALLY!) arrived yesterday.  I was on my way to work, but I had to stop and open the package first--and man, I was happy!  They're so sexy; I just can't wait for you to see them! 


Then this morning, I woke up to find an Amazon package on the doorstep and got really excited, because I thought I'd ordered something.  Then I realized, wait... all my packages have arrived.  So, I checked the label, thinking Eric or Tanner had ordered it.  Nope.  I was literally in tears when I opened it and saw those Christmas gifts.  You little stinker, you :)

Four hours of sleep last night
Awake for 16 hours today
Six cups of coffee
Two papers done
One research proposal done
One 75 slide presentation done
The beginnings of my thesis chapter 2 in the works
Finding out it's mathematically impossible to get less than a 4.0 this semester
Receiving a new shipment of the fanciest under garments I've ever seen ;)


All makes for a very happy Heather!

There are 17 days left until Christmas, which is highly unbelievable.  I love driving home from work, especially since I live in a very quaint, residential neighborhood, because EVERYONE has lights on their house!  It's so beautiful and peaceful after a long day in the athletic training room. 


I have to start my holiday baking again.  My roommates are getting anxious because they saw all the goodies I sent to you, but they only got a small sample before I shipped them all off!

Busting out some mad homework skills today!  I have two papers due Tuesday, an hour and 15 minute presentation to do on Wednesday night, some discussion board readings by Thursday, my final exam and applied project for Sunday, and my literature review for my thesis by next Thursday.  I guess I'm up for the challenge, brought to you by procrastination. 

I've been at 'our' Caribou for the past three hours working on a presentation with a classmate of mine and there's been three different couples sitting in 'our' seats.  It looks like they've all been on some of their first dates.  One couple looked like it was also their last date.... haha, yikes.  It makes me nostalgic for our first date here and how excited I was about you after that date.  "How about them Knicks?"  You make me smile.

What a boring 'hump' day.  I had an in-service work meeting today, which again was supposed to be an hour long, but ended up being two hours.  Ugh. 


The only other things I had to do today were finish my final paper for the semester (yay!!) and go to class this evening.  Check and check! 


So, I just found more per diem work I can do to help out my boss.  Yay for my bank account... haha.

I love getting up at 7am, when I barely slept four hours that night, drinking half a pot of coffee to wake up and be alert for class, arriving at class at 7:59am, then being dismissed from said class at 8:09am.  #sarcasm #angryhastagsfordays


EDITED:  Then I got to work and was told, in no uncertain terms, that I WOULD be covering the men's JV basketball game tonight because their athletic trainer had yet to return from Thanksgiving.  Today was a great day :)

I hate Black Friday. I especially hate that "Black Friday" now begins on Thanksgiving day, which is so wrong. I hate feeling cramped in stores and all the materialism that goes along with the bullshit that is Black Friday. However, I do particularly love Cyber Monday. Especially this Cyber Monday, because this girl got $7 tickets in the red zone for the rest of the home Fargo Force games!