Disappointed. Heartbroken. Confused.

I. Never. Want. To. Love. Again.

We were so in love! We had this whirlwind romance... and then you deployed. Maybe we would've fizzled out if you'd stayed home, but now I am disappointed and heartbroken and confused.

Things had been going so well. We'd been having fun, getting back to our loving selves again. And then you decided you no longer knew what you wanted and I walked away. I want you to want me. I want you to figure out your life and where it's going, because when we loved each other, we were amazing. Seeing your messages hurts. Finding every detail you left around me hurts.

I am so happy in my life, my family, my career, so why can't we figure it out and go back to being happy again?  I hate that, after a deployment and a European vacation, we can't make this work.

For each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction..

No shit.

My first thoughts, in the instant that my heart broke.

You see, I've worked my butt off for the past six years obtaining two bachelor's degrees and a master's degree. I've gone above and beyond to ensure I will have a stable, happy life. 

Today it all paid off: I was offered my dream job and happily accepted!

And not eight hours later, my heart was broken.

I have spent the past 15 months dating you. I met you three weeks before you deployed to Eastern Europe and man, what a whirlwind! You talked about our future; vacations, children, marriage. The night before you left you asked me to come with you, and when I said I couldn't, you asked me to wait for you. Instead, I nearly failed a master's class to fly to Europe to visit you on leave, and the man I met at arrivals was not the man I said goodbye to six months prior. 

I tearfully kissed you goodbye in the Munich airport, and I didn't speak to you for nearly a week after I landed stateside. You "needed space and time". You needed to figure out if I was "the girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life with". I gave you space; I gave you time. I moved on and after a week, I figured I wouldn't hear from you again.

Magically, as if you knew I'd stopped hoping you'd come back, you asked to see me when you got back and I caved. I picked you up at the airport and we had the most amazing hug and kiss when you finally landed at home. You told me there was something worth fighting for between us, and I believed you. 

It hasn't been an easy road, learning each other again, but we've tried. We've gone out on dates; we've ordered in and cuddled. I thought we were making so much progress mere days ago.... then BAM!

For each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction:

I got my dream job and then found out my boyfriend was very active on a dating site.

Using our pictures from our vacations.

Using pictures sent from his deployment.

To find a new me.